


The Blame Game

by Marrilyn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Conversations, F/F, Girls Kissing, Guilt, Heart-to-Heart, Holding Hands, Kissing, Memories, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 11:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14873003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrilyn/pseuds/Marrilyn
Summary: Rowena feels guilty for Charlie's death. Having had enough, reader lays down some cold, hard facts.





	The Blame Game

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Charlie negativity. If you are a Charlie fan, either read with caution or don't read at all.

You sat down next to Rowena, looked her in the eyes, and, without any warning, said, "What's going on with you?"

She'd been acting strange ever since Charlie Bradbury had started talking to her in the Bunker. The girl had neither said nor done anything harmful — you'd never left Rowena's side, not daring to be alone or leave her alone in a room full of hunters — but it seemed her presence was enough to shake Rowena. She'd become unusually quiet, almost shy, something more characteristic of you than her. She spoke to the nerd turned hunter — you mentally snorted at that thought — in a kind manner, soft and caring almost to the point of being motherly. And when Charlie expressed desire to leave on an adventure, Rowena promptly offered her a ride with the two of you when you headed home.

Something was going on and you had a feeling you weren't going to like it.

For the first time in forever, Rowena didn't try to pretend everything was fine. She knew by now that the act wouldn't work on you. It never had. She took a sip of her tea, then put it back on the coffee table, head hanging low. If you didn't know any better, you'd think she was ashamed.

Finally, she took a deep breath and said in a voice dangerously close to a whisper, "I've been thinking."

You frowned. "About what?" She wasn't considering breaking up with you, was she? Your heart jumped at the thought, but you quickly dismissed it. Rowena wouldn't do that. Not after everything the two of you had been through. She loved you too much — and knew you loved her all the same — to just throw it all away.

"Charlie."

"What about Charlie?" Your temper flared as possible scenarios started swirling through your head. "Did she do something to you?"

Though you'd spent most of the time with Rowena, there were a few times during your ride home that you had to stop at random gas stations to go to the bathroom, leaving the two redheads alone in the car. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary each time you returned, but you knew better than anyone Rowena was good at pretend — and there was no doubt in your mind Charlie was, too. Plenty of insults and threats could have been in exchanged in five minutes.

"No," Rowena said, noticing your shift in tone. "She was nice."

You sighed in relief. _She'd better be nice,_ you thought. "What is it, then?" you asked a tad more gently.

Rowena was silent for a moment, contemplating her thoughts. Then she looked up at you with eyes glistening with unshed tears, like a hurt puppy begging for help, and said, "She died because of me."

You blinked. "What?"

Then the realization of what she'd said sank in and memories from years ago rushed towards the surface and exploded in your head like an over-pressurized geyser. Rowena in chains. Alone and abandoned. Unfairly held against her will. Mistreated and talked down to.

Sam had originally brought you to the warehouse to keep an eye on her. Despite being friends with the Winchesters at the time, you protested to keeping her a prisoner, even if Sam told you she was a wicked witch. She was still a person, and she hadn't deserved to be treated like that. Instead of being her guard, you befriended her. You couldn't get the keys to her chains from Sam, but you could be there to make sure she wasn't harmed.

Your abilities were a secret then — you didn't dare tell the brothers you were a witch, even if your magical skills had left plenty to be desired. Especially once you saw how Rowena was treated. Hunters and witches could only be friends if witches hid their nature — but Rowena had known what you were from the moment she'd laid eyes on you. You'd promised her safety. She, in turn, had promised to teach you magic.

Once Sam realized you were getting too close to her, he'd grown suspicious and had enlisted Castiel's help. And Charlie's. And to add insult to injury, he'd appointed Rowena Charlie's assistant — instead of the other way around, as it actually was — for no reason other than to be a dick.

Rowena had been a bit mean to the nerd, but considering the circumstances, you couldn't blame her. She had every right to lash out at her captors. Especially when one of said captors was a nerd who thought she was better than her.

"Rowena, that wasn't your fault," you said. You'd be damned before you let her blame herself for that.

"I was horrible to her."

"You were horrible to everyone. Even me." Though, to you a bit less so, because you wanted to help her rather than treat her like shit. "Didn't see me going off to do stupid things."

"You went with me," she said.

You gave a soft laugh. "That wasn't stupid. That was an adventure."

"Back then, I was more than ready to use you and leave you to die if it would benefit me."

Ouch.

Her words stung, but you appreciated her honesty. You knew what you were getting into. Rowena from three years ago was a cold, heartless, manipulative bitch. Even as your feelings for her began to develop, you knew better than to expect anything. She'd agreed to mentor you, and that was what she was doing.

It had taken her getting her neck snapped to realize you — and not Lucifer — were the one who'd always have her back.

Rowena hung her head in shame. Bringing your hand to her chin, you gently tilted her head up to look in her eyes.

"That's not you anymore," you said. The memories of her nonchalance towards you, of her trusting Lucifer despite you telling her it was a bad idea still hurt. But they were just that — memories. A reflection of a different time, of a different person. A history that would never be repeated. "I loved you then, and I love you even more now. What happened before doesn't matter."

Rowena's lips formed a sad smile. Then her face fell once again. "Charlie is still dead," she said. Her tone, usually filled to the brim with playfulness and sarcasm, was dripping with guilt.

"Don't you dare blame yourself for that!" you said, a tad more harshly than you'd intended. Rowena flinched, and you took a small breath to calm down. You wanted to reason with her, not scare her. Shouting would only make her feel worse. "What happened to Charlie was her own fault."

"But—" Rowena tried.

You cut her off, having none of it. "But nothing! She made a dumb choice and got herself killed. End of story."

"I pushed her to it."

Rowena's lip quivered and a tear slipped down her face. Your heart ached for her, beating fast and out of control, like a bomb about to explode. There was no denying that Rowena used to be a terrible person. She'd abused and abandoned her child, and killed and harmed countless of innocent people for no other reason than her own gain.

One thing she hadn't done, however, was kill Charlie Bradbury.

"Rowena, you were held captive. Charlie participated in that," you reminded her. "She could have tried to help you." Like you had. "But she didn't. She didn't _want_ to. Yes, you were mean to her. So what?"

She wasn't even _that_ mean. A few sarcastic comments and arguments were nothing compared to what Rowena was capable of, what you'd seen her do with your own two eyes.

"She could've ignored you. She could've gone to a different room. Instead, she had _you_ removed and then ran away like a dumbass." You took Rowena's hands into both of yours, squeezing her tiny fingers with yours. "Her death was on her. Not you."

You brought one of her hands to your lips and pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles.

"Besides," you said, "Charlie wasn't all that innocent, despite what she pretended to be. She was judgmental, and talked too damn much for her own good. And whenever she was around, Sam and Dean were suddenly helpless without her. It was weird." You made a disgusted face. What the hell was up with that? "She always looked at me funny. I never liked her."

That was an understatement of the century. The first time you met her, she was okay. But the more you got to know her, the more she annoyed you.

"Oh, and she was a terrible hunter. But don't tell anyone I said that."

Rowena let out a small laugh. You laughed along.

"Don't feel guilty, okay?" you asked gently. "I know you're trying to make up for all the shit you did, but this isn't on you."

She nodded. "I'll try. It's just hard, seeing her again. Even if it's not really her."

"I know." You tightened your hold on her hands for emphasis. "Just try to keep in mind that you were the victim in this case, not the other way around. Charlie didn't feel bad for you, so you shouldn't feel bad for her. You don't owe her — or this new Charlie — anything."

Rowena gave another decisive nod, but you both knew it was easier said than done. It was going to take some time.

And you would be with her every step of the way to remind her of the truth.

"Thank you, Y/N," Rowena said.

"You're welcome, honey."

You pressed your lips to her sweet, soft ones, melting into a kiss that, albeit short, sent electric sparks through your body. She always tasted the same, always affected you the same, as if every kiss you shared was the first. She could change everything about herself, could change her opinions and actions and redeem herself, but kissing her would always remain the same. It would remain a constant, like her presence was in your life.

It was one of the peculiarities you loved about her.

You hoped it stayed that way forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by the lovely OswinTheStrange.


End file.
